


Don't Want To Lose You Now

by teamchasez



Category: Joey Fatone - Fandom, NSYNC, Pop Music RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamchasez/pseuds/teamchasez
Summary: A secret Joey Fatone's been hiding for thirteen years comes to light and threatens his marriage.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2013 for the NSYNC Archive Secret Santa Challenge

_'How did it come to this?'_ Joey Fatone wondered as he stared out the window of his seventh story hotel room into nothingness. The scene going on outside didn't register with him. He was too lost in thought. In his mind he kept picturing one scene over and over.

_'Melissa, baby, wait,' Joey rushed after his wife as she walked through the hotel lobby to the front door. His heart stopped when he saw the cab waiting just outside the front doors. 'Come on listen to me,' he reached for her, grabbing her by the upper arm._

_'Don't touch me,' Melissa snipped, whirling around on him nailing him with a glare. 'Leave me alone Joey. I'm leaving.'_

_Joey swallowed roughly against the lump in his throat as he stared into the green eyes of his wife filled with hurt and anger. 'Melissa let me explain...'_

_'I don't want to hear it Joey,' she let the cabbie take her suitcase, putting it in the trunk for her. When he was finished he opened the rear passenger door for her. 'I don't want to hear any of your excuses.' She slid into the backseat and the door shut._

_Joey could do nothing but stand there and stare as the cab drove away, taking his wife with it. She never once turned around to look at him._

Even as he thought about the scene there was an ache in his heart. He remembered the hurt in his wife's eyes. How those green eyes shone with unshed tears. He could imagine those tears falling, rolling down her cheeks and dropping into her lap; no one there to rub them away. He pressed his palm to his chest as if to cover the gaping wound caused by his wife leaving him.

 _'You have no one to blame but yourself.'_ That much was true. There was no one to blame but himself. He could blame Chris Kirkpatrick which he had done for two hours last night as he paced back and forth in his room while his phone calls went unanswered. That got him no where. It sure didn't make him feel any better passing the blame. Honestly he had been looking for a fight, but Chris wouldn't take the bait. Just let him rant and rave taking everything Joey yelled at him.

That wasn't fair to the older man. In two days, Chris was getting married; the reason he was at this hotel. The last thing he should have to deal with was Joey's self-inflicted problems. There was nothing Chris needed to worry about this close to the wedding. Everything was on schedule, Karly was still here and set on marrying him, and guests were in the process of arriving.

Chris wasn't the type of person to just leave him alone when he was having a problem. He didn't work like that. None of them did. Justin, Lance, JC, Chris - they'd all drop everything they had going on in their lives, no matter how big or small and rush to where ever they needed to be to help their brother out. That's how their group worked. They were brothers. They were family. They took care of each other. They were there for each other. They each knew all they had to do was pick up the phone and call.

It was probably one of the main reasons Chris was feeling guilty. It was Chris who - with the help of liquor - let Joey's indiscretion slip. Joey had been trying to get his friend to shut up for half an hour but alcohol had loosened his tongue. As Chris continued further and further into stories, Joey had felt a hand clench his heart. It was like he had known where Chris was going. He hadn't been prepared for the words to come out in the open.

_'I can tell you what I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna fuck some groupie a week after my wedding like Joey.'_

Chris had immediately shut his mouth like he had known he'd done something wrong. But it was too late. The words couldn't be taken back. They were out there, overheard by the men Chris had picked to be his groomsmen, their dates, Karly and Melissa. When the words slipped free Joey had been staring at Melissa watching her reaction. He had immediately stopped caring about what Chris and had gone to his wife. She hadn't been receptive to him them either. She didn't cause a scene. No, that had never been her style. She didn't let him have it back in the safety of their hotel room either. She didn't react at all. Back in the hotel room, she just packed her bags, mindless of his pleading and apologies. She just packed her bags and left. Leaving him with no insight to where she stood. 

That's what frightened him the most. He had no idea where she stood. Did she need some time to digest the new information before she could talk to him? Then they could begin to heal and put this behind them. Was it too much for her and she was couldn't get past what he'd done? Was it the end of their thirteen year marriage?

TMZ had already reported on the altercation. Some "inside source" had blabbed and they were running headlines that his marriage was over. Finished. By now everyone knew he had cheated on his wife, albeit thirteen years ago - but those things just never went away. People, especially the TMZ type rags, were quick to bring up prior bad acts. In Hollywood, that type of stuff never went away. The juicer the better. 

He felt there was a black cloud hanging over the weekend and no matter what he said or did, he couldn't even begin to make it up to Chris and Karly. From now on, every headline concerning his friends' nuptials would forever be blackened by his wife leaving him.

There was a knock at his door and he thought about ignoring it but he was here for a special occasion. No matter how much he was hurting. When he turned around to answer it he heard the click of the lock unlocked as a key card was inserted and his heart started beating faster at the thought of Melissa returning. It was hard to hid his disappointment when Chris entered, instead of Melissa.

"Great to see you too Buddy."

"I thought you were Melissa."

"My boobs aren't big enough," Chris grinned and held the door open.

"That's not even at the top of your differences," Joey said smiling when he saw the reason Chris held the door open. "JC."

"Hey man," JC returned his friend's smile as they hugged.

"You just get in?" Joey asked, releasing his friend. "I thought you were flying in tomorrow with Lance?"

"I heard what happened so I came early."

Joey looked at Chris. "Seems you still can't keep your mouth shut."

"Hey," Chris raised his arms in an innocent manner. "I've apologized and apologized."

"It's not his fault Joey," JC said.

"If he hadn't opened his mouth..."

"If you'd have kept it in your pants!" Chris countered.

JC sighed and rubbed his temples. "Stop it!" He wished Lance and Justin where here; there would be more of a buffer between Chris and Joey than just him. "Why the hell didn't you tell Melissa what happened?"

"Oh sure," Joey snapped, looking at JC. "Take his side."

JC groaned. "I'm not taking anyone's side! You both are idiots. The degrees are just different."

"Ha!" Chris grinned triumphantly. "Wait..."

"Chris should have kept his big mouth shut, but you," JC looked at Joey pointedly. "Should have told Melissa a long long time ago."

"I know," Joey sighed and sank down on the couch, his head in his hands. "I should have told her immediately. We could have put this behind us."

"Why didn't you?"

Joey snorted. "Yeah right C. Tell my wife on our week anniversary I cheated on her? I liked my balls right where they were thank you very much."

"In Melissa's purse," Chris snickered.

"If they'd been there then he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place," JC said with a chuckle.

"Fuck you both."

"That's more Lance's forte." Chris grinned, hearing Joey snort and shake his head.

"What do you need us to do man?" JC asked.

"I don't know what you can do," Joey sighed. "I messed up. Bad. I deserve everything that's coming."

"No you don't," Chris said taking a seat next to Joey. "It happened thirteen years ago. It was only one time..." he narrowed his eyes at Joey. "Right?"

"God yes! After that one time I felt so guilty I nearly drove myself crazy! I set about giving Melissa everything she could ever want, trying to make up for what I did. I was so young and stupid... I loved her. I did. I thought I didn't love her like I should have, like she deserved. Turns out I did. Do," he corrected. "I let my fear run rampant and completely overtake every emotion I had. I was scared to be a husband, downright terrified of being a father." He pushed up from the couch and started pacing. "If I had been asked at the beginning of the group who would have been the first to settle down, it wouldn't have been me..."

"Who would it have been? What? I'm curious," Chris said when JC shot him a look.

"Is it really important?" JC asked.

"I just want to know. Don't you? Maybe he had you pegged as being the first to settle down."

"Ha!" JC laughed. "Not likely."

"I don't know JC; you were a lot different back in 95."

"Yeah I wasn't emotionally unavailable then."

"That's your own choosing," Chris said. "Do yourself a favor and the list of criteria you have for potential mates? Rip it up and start over because that's not working out for you. Sometimes I think you're dating the same person. They all look the same."

"Thank you Dr. Phil any other advice you'd like to give me?"

"Well now that you mention it," Chris started. "That hat..."

"Hello," Joey waved his arms. "I'm still here you know. I'm the one with the problem, not C."

"Come on Joey, look at his hat," Chris reached up to snatch it from JC's head only to have his hand smacked away.

"You can shrink JC and his Timberlake tendencies later. Can we focus on me now?"

"Stop that," Chris said seeing JC give Joey the middle finger. "That's what got us into this mess to begin with."

"God," Joey groaned. "Why do I have to be stuck with you two?"

"Who else would you want? Curly?" Chris laughed. "Like he'd be able to give you advice."

"Better than what you're giving me right now!"

"When did you realize you weren't scared anymore?" JC asked, causing the two men to look at him.

"What?"

"You said you were scared to be a husband and terrified of being a father," JC repeated Joey's earlier words. "When did that stop? When did you stop being scared?"

"When I held Caleb for the first time," he smiled thinking of his little man. _'Not so little anymore.'_ No, his son wasn't so little anymore. He was thirteen years old already; a teenager. "It was that moment, holding him in the delivery room; I knew I had what it took. Holding him opened up my head and allowed my heart to fully love. It was then I knew that I had loved Melissa like she deserved to be loved all along. Being scared just hid it. I had what it took to be both a husband and a father."

"That," JC said, putting a hand on Joey's shoulder, "is exactly what you need to tell Melissa. That's what she needs to hear."


	2. Chapter 2

The phone stopped ringing, the melody dying in the silence off the house. Only seconds before it had been echoing in the quiet. Melissa had made no move to answer. She knew who was on the other end. She also knew she didn't want to talk to him. Right now, that was the only thing she was sure of.

The blinds were still drawn, blocking out the early morning sun, leaving the house dim and gloomy, which suited her mood just fine. She wasn't sure if the sun was ever coming up. She spent the midnight hours in her living room on the couch in the dark, wrapped up in a throw staring at the darkened TV thinking.

Joey always said that was her biggest downfall. She thought too much. Give her a problem and she'd over think it to death and end up making it out worse than it actually was. That was just her though. For as long as she could remember she had a tendency of over thinking things and making things seem worse than they really where. She hated it to no end.

Caleb was spending the weekend at his friend's house. Melissa was forever grateful. The last thing she wanted was to try to be Mom while her life had been turned upside down. Caleb was a smart boy, he'd see through any fake smile she'd put on her face. She didn't want worry him with grown up problems. A smile graced her lips for the first time since she heard Chris utter those words that turned her life upside down.

 _'I'm not a baby Mom,'_ Caleb had said exasperated; complete with an eye roll when she had hesitated leaving him in the very capable hands of Anna Davis, the mother of Seth, Caleb's best friend of eight years when the Fatone's had settled into Los Angeles. The Davis's had grown to be one of their best friends.

Melissa knew Caleb wasn't a baby any longer. He was a thirteen year old boy; a teenager. He talked about girls and football now; the truck he wanted to drive. Gone were the Superman sheets, the bedtime snuggles and standing in front of the television singing along with every video she played on the screen. She spent an entire day crying when Caleb wouldn't let her kiss him goodbye when she dropped him off at school.

 _'He still loves you,'_ Joey had told her, sitting next to her on their son's bed where a simple navy blue comforter lied in place of the royal blue with the gigantic Superman logo in the middle. _'He will always love you. All boys go through this. They think only babies still kiss their Mommas and they aren't babies anymore they are men.'_

_'He'll always be my baby.'_

_'I know.'_ Joey had whispered before placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

A couple days later, she had been the one to take Caleb to school. Before he jumped from the passenger seat in the carpool lane he leaned over and pecked her cheek. With an 'I love you, Mom' he was gone before Melissa could comprehend what had happened. It had taken the horn from the car behind her to jar her from her frozen state of shock. She couldn't remember pulling from the school or pulling into the parking lot of some retail store before breaking down into tears. When the tears had dried she had realized what had happened and who was responsible. Her husband had been rewarded properly.

The flight from Florida to California was spent numb. It was like she was in a haze; purchasing the ticket at the Orlando airport, walking through the terminal, the flight. She was hardly coherent enough to tell the taxi driver her address. The driver probably thought she was strung out on some illegal street drug.

That's what it felt like. Strung out on drugs, hallucinating. What else could be answer for what she was feeling?

_'Your husband cheated on you.'_

The tears welled in her eyes again and spilled over, sliding down her cheeks. With the backs of her hands she wiped them away. She spent the whole night crying; spent the whole night trying to figure everything out. That had left her with nothing but questions. Question upon question came to mind. Why did Joey cheat on her? Who did he cheat on her with? Did she want to know who he cheated on her with? How many times had he...

A sob escaped and she buried her head in her hands. That was where the over thinking had run rampant. How many times had he cheated on her? Was it one time? Multiple times? Did he cheat on her every time he left to go film another episode? Did he not even wait to leave Los Angeles? Were there women stashed all over the city that he would frequent? Did he just pull random people off the streets or did he know them? Did she know them? Has she been out to dinner with his lady friends, did she invite them over to her house unbeknownst to her she was talking and laughing to a woman who was sleeping with her husband?

At first she hadn't wanted to believe Chris. Chris was known to tell stories when he had been drinking; some true, some lies but all of them were embellished. So she brushed Chris's words off. Until she saw Joey's face that is. She had never seen her husband so pale before and looking so green at the same time like he had wanted to throw up. Seeing that reaction, she knew it had to be true.

Melissa was torn between wanting the answers and not knowing. It was bad enough she knew Joey cheated on her; did she really need to know the sordid details? Wasn't the saying 'ignorance is bliss'? Well she could understand that. Twenty-four hours ago she was happy, in love and ready to celebrate the wedding of one of her closest friends. Now, happy didn't even come close to what she was feeling.

_'Do you still love Joey?'_

_'Of course I do! I think...'_

That hurt that she could second guess her love for Joey and she damned him for making her feel this way. She never ever worried about Joey not loving her. She knew he loved her. He told her often...

_'Guilt.'_

This sucked. It absolutely sucked. Now every time she thought about something Joey had done for her - bought her flowers, offered to do the dishes, planned a romantic evening - all those precious moments she cherished were tattered because she couldn't differentiate between Joey doing it for her out of love or out of guilt. Her memories were tainted.

"Damn you Joey," she hissed. "Damn you. How could you do this to me? How could you make me rethink every thing you've done? How could you make me not trust you?"

How could she trust Joey again after this revelation? He cheated on her, who was to say he'd never do it again? Sure he could tell her constantly that he loved her and she was his only one. But he'd done that before. Could she really believe him anymore? If she couldn't trust him, what kind of relationship would they have? Trust was one of the most important parts in a relationship - hers especially. She had to trust Joey enough to send him off to cities across the United States, where he was known has a member of *NSYNC. Women had his pictures covering their walls and those women were no longer twelve years old anymore. She had to trust him enough not to take any of them up on their offers, no matter how pretty they were and she never had a problem. She never once trusted Joey less than 100%. 

Now, when he jetted off to New York to film a show or Arkansas to tape an episode of My Family Recipe Rocks it would always be in the back of her head. Was he really taping an episode or did he lie to me? Is he cheating on me right now? That was no way to live. She would go nuts in months. She would question him and nitpick every little movement, be suspicious of every phone call, text or email. She would turn into the women she despised.

What was left for her to do? Divorce him? After thirteen years of marriage, had her life boiled down to being a divorced, single mom to a teenager in her mid thirties? How depressing was that? At thirty-five she was starting over. Could she do that? Could she separate Melissa from Joey and just be Melissa again instead of Melissa and Joey? Would she even recognize that person? Would she even like that person? What was the first step in even finding that person?

Forgive him? Could she forgive Joey for his indiscretions; for stepping out on her? Could she wipe the slate clean and start all over; rebuilding the foundation of trust that Joey had torn down? Was she that strong of a woman? She always told herself if a boyfriend or husband had cheated on her, she'd kick him to the curb. A tiger never changed his stripes. If he cheated once, he was liable to do it again. If she forgave him this time, was she strong enough to forgive him again if it happened a second time? Was her love for Joey strong enough to hold them together?

The last option she could think of at the moment was stay married for Caleb's sake. They would keep up the married pretenses but their marriage would pretty much be dead. They'd live in the same house, she'd still appear on his arm when needed, they'd go to all Caleb's functions as a happily married couple, but behind closed doors they'd lead separate lives. They could be two people renting the same house. If it dealt with Caleb they'd deal with it together, but everything else would be like they were strangers. That hurt to even think about; spending every day with Joey under the same roof, knowing that even though on paper they were still husband and wife, they would virtually be roommates. He could date whomever he wanted. She could date... 

God, she hadn't been on a date in fourteen years! She didn't even know how to date anymore! Where they even any single men her age left or was it just the bottom of the barrel? No - she wouldn't date. She would just spend the rest of her life. No, not alone; she would have Caleb. 'Until he went off to college.' Then she'd be all alone. Just her...and her thoughts.

_'Help me.'_


	3. Chapter 3

'Pour some sugar on me,' Joey sang into the microphone from the stage at the front of the reception room.

"Does he have a plan yet?" Justin asked Chris taking a drink from his glass, the amber liquid burning the back of his throat.

Chris rolled his eyes. "You see it."

"Classic Fatone," Lance interjected. "Drink alcohol, karaoke and forget about his problems."

"What a moron," Justin said seeing his two friends nodding in agreement. "The longer he lets this go on the harder it's going to be to crawl back to California. He should have chased after her, never let her get on the plane in the first place."

"Look at you," Chris grinned, a teasing glint in his brown eyes. "All educated on women and shit. You've been married all of what? Ten minutes?"

"Nah Dawg, that's you," Justin grinned slapping Chris on the back. "When it comes to marriage, I'm more knowledgeable than you."

"Riiight," Chris drawled laughing. "Can you believe this?" He asked Lance. "The baby giving out advice on women."

Lance laughed taking a drink of the cool liquid in his glass - non alcoholic of course. He wasn't that much of a drinker anymore. He smiled seeing Michael, his fiancée, making his way toward their group. "I remember when he had no clue what to do with one."

"You still don't."

"What the hell would I want a woman for?" He winked at Michael.

"To make you a sandwich!" Justin said, causing their group to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jessica, Justin's wife asked as she joined the group. It caused the guys to laugh harder as Justin stumbled over his words.

"Let's talk about how cool Karly is," Justin finally got out. "You're lucky you found someone crazier enough to put up with your ass..."

Chris nodded with a smile. He couldn't dispute that claim. He wasn't an easy man to put up with. He was crazy and hyper. It took a special woman to want to deal with him for the rest of his life. "Don't I know it."

"Then there was one," Lance said when JC joined their small circle.

"Two. You aren't married yet," JC spoke before taking a sip of newly acquired drink. He didn't want to drink too much and be hung over for his flight back to California the next day.

"I'm engaged though," he said proudly sharing a look with Michael.

"You're next Man," Justin grinned wrapping an arm around JC's neck, leaning against him.

JC rolled his eyes, accepting his friends' ribbing good naturedly. "If I had a dollar for every time I heard that today..."

"Like your frugal ass needs a dollar," Justin grumbled. "So what is your excuse?"

"My excuse?" JC asked, playing dumb.

"You should have been snatched up long before the rest of us. What's your problem?"

"Problem?" Chris questioned. "He's surrounded himself with eleven hot chicks! I think he's doing just fine."

"Christ, you're old enough to be their father!"

"So?"

"That's wrong," Justin said, pushing the older man's shoulder. "Even for you."

"Just because I'm married now did you think I'd change?"

Justin tossed his head back and laughed. "Nah Man, never crossed my mind. Come on, old man," he put his arm around Chris's neck much like he had JC earlier. "Let's go save Joey from himself. Between the," he looked around their group, "six of us we should be able to fix this."

"Or at least not fuck it up any more than it already is," Lance muttered as they made their way through the throngs of people.

*~*

The flight back to California was long and lonely. He put on a smile and posed for pictures with fans both at the terminal in Orlando and on the plane until the flight attendants put a stop to them. He didn't mind. It gave him something to do, something to put his mind on other than the impending doom that awaited him in LA.

The closer he got to California the tighter his chest got. He could barely breathe as he stood outside his front door trying to force himself to calm down. It was easier said than done. He had no idea what awaited him on the other side of the door. Would Melissa be there for him so they could talk this out and put it behind them? Would he walk in to an empty house made vacant by his wife leaving him and taking their son with her? Would his key even work in the lock?

There were so many questions he didn't have the answers to. Melissa had ignored each and every phone he placed to her. His texts had gone unanswered. He tried to remember the advice the guys had given him but all he could think about was his wife not waiting for him.

_'Fuck! I should have gone after her.'_

_'You never should have let her leave!'_ That particular voice sounded a lot like Justin's. He remembered Justin telling him that after the guys pulled him off the stage last night for a _'Joey's a fucking dumbass'_ meeting.

Of course he knew he shouldn't have let her leave but at the time, he didn't want to cause a scene and he figured Melissa needed some time on her own. Frankly he thought she'd kill if she stayed near him. So he let her go; all the way back to California. Three thousand miles away from him to an empty house where all she could do for 3 days was think.

 _'That meeting was aptly named,'_ the voice said again. _'You are a fucking dumbass.'_

He left Melissa alone for three days. She had three days to think. He wouldn't be surprised if she had come to what to do five times and over thought herself out of each and every one.

"You deserve it if she talked herself out of keeping your dumb ass." He muttered to himself. There was a flip side. She could have decided to kick his ass to the curb and then talked herself into keeping his sorry excuse for a human being. "And knowing her, she could have talked herself back into divorcing you."

_'Stop stalling and get in there and talk to her!'_

_'Be prepared to crawl.'_

_'Tell her the truth.'_

Joey sighed and put his key into the lock. Standing outside the door was not going to solve anything. He had to go in and face whatever Melissa gave out. He deserved every last name she called him. What did he have to lose at this point?

_'Everything.'_

The moment of truth came when he twisted his wrist. The locked turned and he was able to push the door open. He breathed a sigh of relief. Melissa hadn't locked him out. That was one plus on his side. He placed his suitcase on the floor inside the door and shut the door behind him. Looking around he didn't see anything missing but that didn't mean anything. Melissa could have just taken her clothes and left everything behind.

The house was silent but it didn't feel empty. It could have been wishful thinking on his part but he felt Melissa still in the house. It didn't feel vacated. He began his search and to his surprise it didn't take long. His wife was sitting on the couch. The room was lit by the sun and the television was off. On the coffee table in front of her sat her cell phone. His earlier thoughts rang true; she'd been ignoring his attempts to get in touch with her.

"I didn't think you'd be here." Joey said staring at her back.

"I didn't think I'd be here either," Melissa answered truthfully. Joey felt her words deep in his heart. "But you seem to still have a strong hold on my heart."

With that, he felt the hand gripping his heart in a fierce hold, loosen slightly. He still had her heart. That was good. Right? "Even though you're mad at me?"

"I hate you Joey."

Joey reared back as if he had been slapped. That probably would have hurt less. He could feel his heart breaking into a tiny pieces settling into his stomach. A lump rose in his throat and he rubbed his chest where a gapping wound sat. 'Stick and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.' That was a damn lie. Words fucking hurt.

His feet were frozen in place. He didn't know what to do. His heart had yet to recover from Melissa's cruel words. It lay shattered on the floor. His head was telling him that it was too late; he was too late. It was over. His marriage was over. It kept telling him to leave; to save himself any more pain and heartache. "Melissa..." his voice cracked. The lump in his throat made it hard to breath.

"I hate you Joey," Melissa pushed herself up from the couch and turned to face her husband. The pain in his eyes nearly caused her knees to buckle, but she held strong. She couldn't think of his pain. She had to think of hers. "I hate fact that I've cried for three days. I hate the fact that you made me question everything about our relationship. I hate that you have me questioning about all the times you've left me here in California while you had to go away to appear somewhere or film something. I hate that you made me question everything about myself and what I did or didn't do to deserve this."

"Melissa..." Joey was finally able to get his feet to move. He stepped further into the room, his eyes never leaving his wife's. He wasn't sure his heart could hurt anymore than it already did, but each of Melissa's words tore through him. He would take anything she hurled at him - deserved every last one of them but he couldn't take hearing her question herself.

_'Tell her.'_

'"Do you have any idea how you've made me feel?" She nailed him with a look, stopping him from moving closer to her. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to realize you've been living a lie? To feel like you've been the bumbling, naive idiot; that everyone knew the truth, but you were just too... stupid to figure it out? How could you do this to me Joey? Do I mean nothing to you? Am I just here to help fill your image as a 'family man'? Here to keep your bed warm when one of your whores is unavailable?"

"No!" The single word came out in a rush.

"How could you do this me Joey? To us? How could you care so little about me, about Caleb, about our family!" Melissa's voice rose and she was close to tears again. With her hand she wiped her eyes before the tears could spill over.

"You and Caleb are the two most important people in my life! You two are the reason I wake up each morning."

Melissa laughed humorlessly. "Right. Newsflash Joseph; wives don't take kindly to their husband's cheating on them as a way to prove their love. I don't think that cracks the list on the _'Top Things To Do To Please Your Wife'_ list."

"Bambina, I can explain..." he swallowed roughly at Melissa's glare hearing his nickname for her.

"Why would I want to hear all the sordid details of you marinating your meat."

Joey fought like hell to keep his lips from twitching. Doing a cooking show, he'd heard just about every cooking innuendo imaginable. Now was not the time for jokes and laughter. He needed to save his marriage. He could not let Melissa walk away from him. He wouldn't survive. "Bambina..."

"Don't call me that," Melissa snapped.

"Melissa, please let me explain. I know you think I'm no better than a flea on a dog..."

"Flea on a dog is a few steps above where I have you now."

Joey sighed. He had a long row to hoe. "Please let me explain. You can hate me all you want. You can tell me to get out and leave and I'll do it. But please let me explain so at least you can hate me for all the right reasons instead of what you've come up with."

"Did you cheat on me?" Melissa asked, crossing her arms.

"Yes," Joey said letting his head fall.

"Then I hate you for all the right reasons. Get out." She turned away from him walking to the window that looked out over their front yard to the street. This was worse than she imagined. The pain was so much. It ripped through her, taking a strong hold of her heart. She couldn't let the threatening tears fall; she needed to hold herself strong. 'At least until he left...'

Hurt washed over Joey. A lump rose in his throat and he fought to breath. He could feel tears prick his eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. He parted his lips slightly breathing out of his mouth. Life played out before him; a life without Melissa. The pain in his chest was crippling. He had lied. Walking out that door was not an option. If he went by his word and left; he could kiss his family good bye.

"Mel... please..." _'How good are you at crawling?'_ Chris's question popped into his head. 

"Please what?" Melissa whirled around, glaring at her husband. "You cheated on me Joey. You cheated on me! When I took those vows thirteen years ago, I meant them! I loved you! I cherished you! You were my other half; my soul mate. I believed that we were meant to be together. I believed that you would never hurt me. I let all those mean and hurtful things your fans said to me - about me - roll off my back because I knew they were saying those things out of jealousy because I was with you and not them. I believed you when you said you loved me...."

"I do love you."

Melissa laughed. "Really? You love me? I don't believe it. I used to, but not anymore. Because if you loved me, you wouldn't have done this to me! You wouldn't have caused me this much pain."

"I'm sorry."

"That's not going to cut it this time Joey. This goes way beyond a simply apology. You broke our vows; the ones where we stood in front of our friends and family, pledging our love to one another. When tabloids and gossips talked about how we would never make it, how we only got married because of the baby, we laughed it off and proved them wrong. We proved to every body that we loved each other. We pushed through everything that life threw at us together -"

"Then let's push through this," Joey said, his voice coming out stronger. He had to fight.

"What?" Melissa asked, taken back. 

"Let's push through this," Joey repeated, stepping closer. "Melissa, I love you. I love you more today than I did yesterday but not as much as I'll love you tomorrow. You are my soul mate. You are the Robin to my Batman...my Lois Lane. We proved everybody wrong because we love each other. Sure we didn't go the traditional dating, engagement, marriage, baby route. We went our own way and it worked. We made it work because we love each other, we believed in each other."

"But you cheated on me!"

"I know; I know," Joey said, his shoulders hunching. He reached a tentative hand out, grasping her hand in his. "That is something that I have lived with for thirteen years and something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. One moment of weakness when I was young and dumb is threatening to shatter my life. I can't let that happen. You mean way too much for me. You are the sole reason I wake up every morning, the reason I smile, the reason I'm happy. If I had to give it all up; the job, the fame, the money and just be Joseph Anthony Fatone Jr. regular old Joe with a nine-to-five job, I would do it in a heartbeat if I still had you. I could be poor, desolate and living in box under the bridge but I would be happy because I am with you."

"Why?" Melissa asked staring at her husband, letting him read the emotions on her face. Tears spilled over and rolled down her cheek. She allowed him to keep a hold of her hand but she made no move to tighten her fingers around his. "Why would you do this to me?"

"I was scared," Joey whispered honestly.

"Scared? You cheated on me because you were scared?" Melissa said in disbelief. She moved to tug her hand away from Joey's but he held tight.

"Please hear me out," Joey pleaded, gripping her hand. "Just hear me out. Please." He let out the breath he'd been holding when Melissa nodded. "Thank you."

"Just because I'm letting you talk doesn't change anything."

"I know," Joey said softly. He led her to the couch and sat down, tugging her down beside him. He let the pain show on his face when she put space between them. "I know right now you probably don't believe a word I say. I broke your trust in me and that's something I have to earn back. I have only ever cheated on you once. I know once is all it takes, but I swear to you Mel, it was one time."

"Why?" Melissa asked. "Why'd you throw all this away for her? Was she special?"

Joey shook his head. "No; I don't even remember her name."

"So you tossed me away for a nobody. That makes me feel so much better."

"I know," Joey sighed and looked down trying to gather his thoughts. It was so much easier to talk about this in front of the guys. He was able to mess up and try again. There was only one chance with Melissa. He couldn't mess up. It was so hard. All the words were jumbled in his mind; his thoughts were overlapping each other and he fought to pull one out.

"I was young and dumb. We were on the cusp of super stardom. We hadn't been dating very long. I liked you very much. We had a lot in common. You made me laugh and was just as crazy as I was sometimes. You didn't care who I was. You believed in me - in us - and knew we were going to be something special. You scared me. You brought all these feelings to light I didn't know I had. Made me feel and think things I didn't want to. I was happy being in a relationship with you. What we had together... it was great. It was just us, having a good time. I wasn't ready to think long term. I was happy with the here and now."

"And then I got pregnant," Melissa whispered.

"You got pregnant," Joey echoed. "I was so scared. I wasn't ready for that."

"You think I was!"

"I know but I'm a guy. I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about how I felt, how this was going to chance my life. We'd just blew up. The group finally made it in the States. We were here there and everywhere. Everyone wanted a piece of us. Touring, photo shoots, interviews...I was soaking it all up. This was what I had wanted - what we had fought for, went to Europe for playing at every menial place. Our dreams were coming true."

"And a knocked up girlfriend didn't fit into those dreams," Melissa said bitterly. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear anymore of this. Her heart wasn't strong enough to take it right now. She should have stuck to her guns and kicked him out without giving him the opportunity to explain.

"I didn't know if it could," Joey replied honestly. "All I could see was the guys going to parties and me stuck at home changing diapers. I was angry wondering how I could let this happen when we were so careful but then... I couldn't ignore the fact that you were pregnant with my child."

"So you married me because I was pregnant?" That hurt worse than finding out Joey cheated on her.

"This isn't coming out right," Joey groaned. He pushed up from the couch and started pacing. He ran his hands over his head and back through his hair. "I had all these feelings for you...I wasn't sure what to make of them. Was it love? Was like it like? Lust? I wasn't..." he turned around and looked at Melissa. "I wasn't sure if I loved you how you deserved to be loved."

"What?" Melissa whispered.

"I'm not denying that I loved you or had strong feelings for you but I wasn't sure if the feelings I felt for you at the time were enough. Did I love you enough to make you happy, to take us fifty years down the road or where the feelings I had enough to take us only a couple of months."

"So instead of talking to me, letting me know this, you decided to go out and hope into bed with some woman?"

"I know it doesn't make it okay. But I was so scared! I was worried I didn't love you enough; worried once we got married our relationship would change that it would deteriorate and we'd grow to hate each other. I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me all because we got married when we shouldn't have."

"Why didn't you tell me this! Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to get married?"

"Because you were so damn happy! I couldn't bear the thought of telling you that I was scared about getting married."

"So you decided to go through with the farce and jump into bed with some bimbo before the ink was dry on our license?"

"As soon as..." he swallowed roughly, "after it was... over, I felt so guilty. I nearly drove myself crazy. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I felt like the lowest man on earth, like I didn't deserve you..."

"You don't."

"I know; I know. You deserve someone ten times better than me," Joey said. "I always thought you married down when you married me. You have to believe me Melissa. I cheated on you one time. After that one time I threw everything I had to being your husband and eventually a father to Caleb. I let my fear of failing as a husband and father run wild and I made the biggest mistake of my life but when I held Caleb in the delivery room - the tiny human being who was a part of me - I knew then that I loved you like you deserved to be loved all along. Fear had clouded that. Seeing you nursing our child, staring down at him with love-filled gaze it just all slid into place. I love you Mel."

Melissa stared at Joey, his image swam in front of her as her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to cross the room and bury herself in her husband's arms. She wanted to tell him she forgave him; they would get through this. She wanted to tell him that she'd been scared too but she couldn't. She shook her head. "I'm sorry Joey," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I want to forgive you, but I can't. Finding out you cheated on me...you broke my trust and if I can't trust you...I can't be with you."

Without giving Joey a chance, she turned on her heel and quickly ran from the room. She barely made it into the bedroom before the tears fell. Collapsing on the bed, she clutched one of the throw pillows Joey was always complaining about and let the tear fall. Sobs escaped as pain coursed through her body. She'd done it; told Joey they were over. It hurt. It hurt worse than anything she had ever imagined. It hurt worse than finding out Joey had cheated on her.

The book that was her marriage was over; the last page written. Instead of being happily ever after like she had always imagined, it had turned into a tragedy. Now she was faced with a book full of empty pages. It was daunting; scary. What was she supposed to do now?


	4. Chapter 4

The gift arrived the next day. Caleb found it leaning against the front door when he got home from school. He climbed from the car and scampered up the walk ahead of Melissa. The red envelope was leaning against the door on the welcome mat.

"Mom, what's this?" Caleb asked reaching down, plucking the envelope from the ground. 

"What is that?" Melissa asked as she shouldered her purse. She held the keys in her hand ready to unlock the door. She stared at the envelope Caleb was waving in his hand.

Caleb shrugged. "It's an envelope. Feels like a card. Weird the mailman didn't put it in the mailbox though. But there's no address on it. Like someone just dropped it off at the door. It's for you though." He held up the mail showing his mother her name across the front.

"Looks like your mom has a secret admirer," Melissa said with a tight smile.

Caleb started laughing. "Yeah right. A secret admirer."

"Hey," Melissa's lips twitched with a smile. "What's so funny about your mom having a secret admirer?"

"You're my mom!" Caleb said like that explained everything. She supposed in his thirteen year old world it did. "And you know it's from Dad."

"How do you figure?" Melissa's breath caught at the mention of Joey. She hadn't told Caleb what was going on with his parents. Right now he was under the impression that Joey was off filming another episode of My Family Recipe Rocks. She wanted to keep that innocence for awhile longer.

"Because," Caleb rolled his eyes as his mother opened the front door. "It's his hand writing. My teachers still think I forge my notes when Dad writes them."

Melissa laughed because it was true. Joey's hand writing was atrocious. She took the envelope from her son's hand and her name was indeed written in Joey's hand writing. There was an instant weariness that took over her body. Last night had been one of the worst nights in her entire life. She didn't sleep; spent the whole night crying. When she thought the tears were done, they'd start all over again. If she hadn't had to get Caleb from school, there was a great possibility she'd still be in bed.

Now that Caleb was home, she had to make it appear like everything was normal. She had to make her son think that Joey was just on location, she was just as happy as ever and there wasn't a good chance his parents would never live in the same house again. She wasn't that good of an actor.

When Caleb took his book bag to his room she stared at the envelope in her hands. It suddenly weighed a hundred pounds. Slowly she turned the envelope over and slid her thumb beneath the seal. When she pulled cardstock paper from its holder she realized it wasn't a traditionally card. It didn't open.

It was a light purple card with a floral design up the left side; centered in the middle, each line different so it didn't over lap the design, were words that brought tears to her eyes.

_I love you.  
They're only three words,  
but when I say them,  
I'm telling you that  
you're my comfort...  
my laughter...  
and my strength  
when times are tough.  
I love you.  
They're only three words  
but in my heart  
they're everything._

"Mom?" Caleb asked, staring at his mother. "Oh man..." he said seeing the tears. He took a step back and turned around leaving his mother alone and went into the kitchen to root through the refrigerator for a snack. He wondered if he could get away with chips or something equally unhealthy since his mother wasn't pay attention. 

"Put the chips away."

"Crap," he muttered released the bag and shutting the cupboard door. "How does she do that?" He wondered and went back to the fridge where he pulled out the bag of grapes. When he turned around he noticed the two vases of flowers sitting on the counter. He raised an eye and walked to them. Sticking out of each bouquet of red roses were two small white envelopes. He shook his head. His father was really laying it on thick. "Mom?"

"There's some grapes in the bottom drawer."

He rolled his eyes at his mother's reply. "It's not that. Did you see these flowers? Man, Dad must really be in the dog house for something. What did he do?" He asked when his mother walked into the kitchen, gasping when she saw the flowers. _'Girls,'_ he thought.

Melissa reached for one of the small white envelopes. In doing so she lowered her nose and breathed in the fresh fragrance of the flowers. She pulled the single card from the envelope and read the words scrawled in Joey's handwriting. 

_'I never thought there'd be anyone like you out there for me... but here you are. Amazing. I'm glad you happened to me.'_

The words blurred in front of her as more tears built. She blinked rapidly but only succeeded in displacing them. They rolled down her cheek. With a shaking hand she reached for the other card in the remaining bouquet.

_'You. The person I can't imagine my life without...and I don't even want to try.'_

"A card and two bouquets," Caleb mused popping a grape into his mouth. "Dad either did something wrong and he doesn't want to sleep on the couch or he's buttering you up for something."

"Go watch TV," Melissa said as she reread the words again.

"Really?" Caleb's eyes widened. "You nev..." He quickly shut his mouth and left the room. He was never allowed watching television until his homework was finished but who was he to question his mother's order. 

Melissa took all three cards into her bedroom. She shut the door and sat down on the bed, reading each one over and over until she had them memorized. What was Joey doing? Why was he doing this? She unlocked her iPhone and tapped Joey's number waiting for him to pick up.

"Why are you doing this?" She answered his hello.

"I'm trying to make this up to you," Joey said as he walked to the guest bedroom of JC's house. His friend had been kind enough to let him crash at his place as long as he needed.

"So you think flowers and fancy words are going to make this up to me?"

"No. But it's a start," Joey sighed. He shut the bedroom door for privacy not that JC was up to eavesdropping. He had caught strep at Chris's wedding and according to JC, was dying. At least that's what JC told him when he stuck his head in his bedroom last. _'What a baby,'_ Joey had thought with a smile. But he knew he wasn't any better when he was sick.

"It's going to take a lot more than this."

"I know. I know I have a long way to go to get back to where we used to be and I'll do everything, anything to get there. I love you Melissa." He heard the sniffles over the phone and his chest tightened. What he wouldn't give to be able to draw her into his arms and give her comfort. He wanted to dry her tears. "I love you," he said again. He would say it every opportunity he had until Melissa believed it again. "Those words are the only thing I have. My heart belongs to you; no one else. Never anyone else. I made one mistake thirteen years ago and I was never so ashamed of myself. I should have told you immediately but I was scared you would leave me. I didn't want that to happen. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Melissa was quiet on the phone, so he forged on taking advantage of the time she was allowing him to talk. "These past few days Melissa, let me tell you; they've sucked. They have been the absolute worst days of my life. You aren't here. You're mad at me. It's not the first time you've been mad at me but this time... this time I don't know if I can get you to forgive me. I don't know if you'll let me back into your heart and that crushes me. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I lay awake all night thinking of you. Thinking of all the times we've had together. Everything we'd been through. I wouldn't trade any one of those memories for anything in the world.

"If I have to start all over again...I will. If I have to date you again I will. I will win your heart all over again. I will build your trust in me once more and prove without a doubt how much I love you."

The tears flowed. Melissa clutched a pillow to her stomach as she listened to Joey telling her that he loved her; that he'd do anything to win her heart again. It was all for naught though; her heart was already his. When she made him leave he had taken her heart with him. Could she tell him to come home? Could she learn to trust him? Could they get back what they once had?

"Joey?"

"I'm right here Bambina," Joey sat up, apprehensive. What was Melissa going to tell him? Was she going to tell him to pound sand, she was never taking him back?

"You hurt me so much," Melissa began, wiping her tears. "I can't lie and say that I'm not hurt because I am. But I still love you and last night sucked. Being without you, knowing that I was never going to be with you again."

"You can still be with me," Joey said softly, afraid to get his hopes up. "Just tell me what I have to do, Bambina. I'll do anything."

"You hurt me and broke my trust. It's going to take awhile to get that back. I don't want to throw away what we had. We can get it back; I want to get it back."

"Then we will," Joey said strongly. "I love you Melissa and you love me. We can get back to where we used to be."

"Come home Joey."

"What?" Joey questioned, fearing he heard wrong.

"Come home Joey," Melissa said louder.

"I'm at JC's," Joey felt the need to tell Melissa where he was just in case she had doubts. "I'll be there soon. I love you Melissa."

"I love you too, Joey."

Joey tapped the end call button and let out a whoop of excitement. He picked up the duffle bag full of clothes he had packed earlier when he'd stopped by the house when he knew Melissa wouldn't be there. Shouldering the bag, he left the room and was halfway down the steps before he turned back around. He couldn't just leave without telling JC he was leaving. He tapped on the door twice before poking his head in the room. "I'm out."

"Where are you going?"

Joey winced at JC's voice, weakened and broken by the sickness. "Home."

"You're leaving me here to die?" JC questioned as he started coughing.

"Suck it up and go to the doctor, C. My wife is waiting on me."


End file.
